Am I a sex addict?
This question is complex and cannot be completely answered here. There are a number of short checklists and questionnaires available on this web site to help decide if you need to seek further help. But these are not to be used to determine if you are a sex addict.

 

The three basic questions you can ask yourself are:

Do I feel like I've lost the ability to control my sexual behavior (e.g., crossed lines I didn't think I would cross, set limits that I have failed to meet, made promises to stop a behavior and then continued it)? Do I experience consequences because of my sexual behavior (e.g., miss work or call in late because of acting out, risk my relationships, loss of spirituality, legal consequences)? Do I constantly think about sexual activity even when I don't want to (e.g., spend hours cruising for sexual experiences, dream about sexual behavior regularly, spend time preparing for sexual behaviors, dwell on sexual experiences long after they are over)? (Adapted from Schneider, 1994)

If you answered yes to any of these questions, scored high on the sexual addiction self-screening test or are still concerned about your sexual thoughts, feelings, fantasies or behaviors, we suggest that you seek a more complete evaluation from a professional who understands the issues involved in sexual addiction.

You may review our resources list to find a therapist in your area, send us an e-mail or call us at (770) 541.9912 for more information.

Is my spouse/partner a sex addict? There are a number of issues to consider in order to answer this question:

First, you may wish to read the answer to the question above (Am I a sex addict?) to get some information on what defines a sex addict. There are several books written specifically for partners of sexual addicts. These books often help you determine if your partner has a problem and how to seek help. Some of these books can be found at our online bookstore. The second issue is delicate for many partners. It involves your own mental and emotional health. Sometimes partners become so focused on the addict's behavior, they forget about taking care of their own needs. If the sex addict refuses treatment, what can you do? Sometimes the best way to help the addict is to help yourself learn how to deal effectively with the addict. You can enter into therapy since you may have many feelings about your partner's decision and behavior. You may wish to review our resources list to locate a therapist in your area who can work with you. In addition, there are several national organizations that hold local meetings to support partners of sex addicts.

Am I a sex addict if I just look at pornography once or twice a week or have had one or two affairs?
Many people think the type of behavior or how often you engage in a sexual behavior will tell you whether or not you are sex addict but this isn't completely true. There are a number of things to consider. Refer to the question above (Am I a sex addict?) to determine if you need further help with your sexual behavior.

Perhaps one of the biggest indicators that a behavior is problematic is the fact that you are asking yourself whether or not you have a problem. Typically, this indicates that you have had some form of consequence or you, or someone else, raised your awareness regarding your behavior. There are many issues to determine if you are a sex addict. Although frequency and type of behavior are two considerations, there are many others that you can discuss with a professional who understands the disorder.

I want to talk to someone about my out of control sexual behavior. What can I do?
Be aware that not all therapeutic professionals believe there is such a thing as sexual addiction or compulsivity. You need to find an objective therapeutic professional who can help you determine if your behavior is a problem, based on your experiences. No therapist should try to talk you "into" or "out of" a particular disorder. Rather, therapists need to listen and help guide you to your solution.

Although SASH does not endorse any of its resources, the people who join our organization have an interest in sexual addiction and compulsivity. They have most likely read about, attended workshops and consulted on cases involving sexual addiction and compulsivity. This list will give you names of professionals near your geographic location who can talk with you regarding your concerns.

If you are unable to find a therapeutic professional in your area, consult with others about therapists. If you go to a 12-step meeting, talk with your fellow members. If there is a university in the area, contact their counseling center. They often provide services to the community and may be tied into other resources you can use.

Do sex addicts ever recover fully?
Most professionals believe that sex addicts can lead healthy, normal lives with appropriate treatment. However, most also believe that you can never be "cured" of your addiction or compulsion and will need to monitor and maintain certain boundaries around sexual fantasies and behaviors.

This is not to suggest that you will need to be in therapy for the remainder of your life but it often takes several years before you are aware of the complexities of your problem and are able to maintain a relapse-prevention strategy on your own.

Should sex addicts attend 12-step addiction meetings? Some of the common, key characteristics of addicts are:

Poor socialization skills Inability to relate to others Avoiding relationships

It is often best to attend some form of group while receiving treatment for sexual addiction and compulsivity. The group may or may not be a 12-step program but the group setting can allow individuals to practice new ways of interacting with others and try new behaviors in a safe place.

There are five fellowships that provide 12-step support to sexual addicts:

Sexaholics Anonymous Sex Addicts Anonymous Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous Sexual Recovery Anonymous Sexual Compulsives Anonymous

Each of these groups has a different philosophy about sexual addiction and recovery. You may want to spend some time researching the groups and finding out which group is available in your geographic region. Attending a 12-step group is free and it is often recommended that you attend at least six times before you decide if the group is right for you.

Additional options include:

Other self-help support groups Church groups designed to address sex or pornography addiction Therapy groups

My spouse says he/she is a sex addict - now I am afraid for him/her to be around our children. Isn't a sex addict the same thing as a pedophile?
A sex addict is not the same thing as a pedophile. Although there are some sex addicts whose primary attraction is to children, this is not always the case. There is a wide range of behaviors that a sex addict may have (e.g., a person may be a sex addict because of chronic or compulsive masturbation or multiple affairs). It is not accurate to assume that simply because someone is a sex addict that they are attracted to children.

However, it is also not necessarily safe to assume that arousal to children is not part of the individual's addiction or compulsion. If you feel safe to do so, share your feelings with your partner in a kind and concerned way rather than accusing him or her of being attracted to children. This may be best done in the context of a counseling session where a therapist can help both of you work through this concern.

Can SASH provide locations of 12-step meetings?
SASH does NOT keep current lists of local 12-step groups/meetings. You can contact the national offices to discover the locations of meetings in your area.

You may also want to contact the Alcoholics Anonymous Intergroup, found in your local phone book, since they often keep names and contact information for other 12-step groups. Or visit the Alcoholics Anonymous World Services web site for further information or assistance.

Is SASH affiliated with any 12-step group or treatment facility?
No. SASH does not endorse, finance or in any other way support any specific 12-step group. We also are not affiliated with any treatment facility.

SASH is an objective, stand-alone, nonprofit organization dedicated to helping professionals better serve sex addicts. In addition, we do not support any single form of treatment or therapy and recognize that individuals have different needs and what may be right for one individual is not necessarily helpful to another.